back the fuck up
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
This just keeps getting better
I firmly believe that uncle iroh somehow fell through an interdimensional portal, and that was him
Methods of Death & How They Feel
- Drowning: When victims eventually submerge, they hold their breath for as long as possible, typically 30 to 90 seconds. After that, they inhale some water, splutter, cough and inhale more. Survivors say there is a feeling of tearing and a burning sensation in the chest as water goes down into the airway. Then that sort of slips into a feeling of calmness and tranquility. That calmness represents the beginnings of the loss of consciousness from oxygen deprivation, which eventually results in the heart stopping and brain death.
- Heart Attack: The most common symptom is chest pain: a tightness, pressure or squeezing, often described as an “elephant on my chest”, which may be lasting or come and go. This is the heart muscle struggling and dying from oxygen deprivation. Pain can radiate to the jaw, throat, back, belly and arms. Other signs and symptoms include shortness of breath, nausea and cold sweats.
- Bleeding to Death: Anyone losing 1.5 litres – either through an external wound or internal bleeding – feels weak, thirsty and anxious, and would be breathing fast. By 2 litres, people experience dizziness, confusion and then eventual unconsciousness.
- Fire: Burns inflict immediate and intense pain through stimulation of the pain nerves in the skin. To make matters worse, burns also trigger a rapid inflammatory response, which boosts sensitivity to pain in the injured tissues and surrounding areas.As burn intensities progress, some feeling is lost but not much. 3rd degree burns don’t hurt as much as 2nd degree burns.
- Decapitation: Very quick. Consciousness is said to continue for a few seconds after decapitation. It’s thought to be painless. But the separation of the spinal cord and brain may cause severe pain.
- Electrocution: Higher currents can produce nearly immediate unconsciousness. The electric chair was designed to produce instant loss of consciousness and painless death, but that’s debatable. It’s been proposed that prisoners could instead be dying from heating of the brain, or perhaps from suffocation due to paralysis of the breathing muscles instead of electrocution itself because the skulls of the wall are a thick and powerful insulator.
- Falling from a height: Another instantaneous death. Survivors of great falls often report the sensation of time slowing down. The natural reaction is to struggle to maintain a feet-first landing, resulting in fractures to the leg bones, lower spinal column and life-threatening broken pelvises. The impact traveling up through the body can also burst the aorta and heart chambers.
- Hanging: The rope puts pressure on the windpipe and the arteries to the brain. This can cause unconsciousness in 10 seconds, but it takes longer if the noose is incorrectly sited. Witnesses of public hangings often reported victims “dancing” in pain at the end of the rope, struggling violently as they asphyxiated.
- Lethal injection: . First comes the anaesthetic thiopental to speed away any feelings of pain, followed by a paralytic agent called pancuronium to stop breathing. Finally potassium chloride is injected, which stops the heart almost instantly. Eyewitnesses have reported inmates convulsing, heaving and attempting to sit up during the procedure, suggesting it’s not always completely effective.
- Vacuum (In Outer Space): When the external air pressure suddenly drops, the air in the lungs expands, tearing the fragile gas exchange tissues. This is especially damaging if the victim neglects to exhale prior to decompression or tries to hold their breath. Oxygen begins to escape from the blood and lungs. Human survivors from NASA often report an initial pain, like being hit in the chest, and may remember feeling air escape from their lungs and the inability to inhale. Time to the loss of consciousness was generally less than 15 seconds.
I have to say this is completely legit - someone tried to steal her handbag and she simply went “Fuck this- *suplex*”
someone teach me this pweeze-ooc
Ok Ladies, here’s the info on this move.
We are blessed with a low center of gravity. This means that when we get ahold of someone and tip over backward like that, it’s easy peasy for us to do. Especially on a guy. Think of it like a fulcum and lever: they’re the lever, we’re the fulcrum, and because their center of gravity is up in their chest, instead of in their pelvis, when we get down low and lean back, whupsy there they tip right over.
Now, here’s the real deal on that particular move. Check out how this gif end, with the guy’s head on the floor like that? How his torso seems straight up and down, his head and neck on the floor, all his body weight and the momentum of having been tossed over her shoulder?
Yeah, he’s pretty messed up from that. In the really real world, if you do that move correctly, toss your whole body into it, seriously oomph it up and give that mugger a throw, you can snap his neck.
All that said, here’s how you do it!
This is something you do fast, ladies. Move quickly and with assurance, and don’t worry about whether you’re strong enough to do it or not: you are. This is about physics, not muscle.
Get low, bend your knees and hips. Our strength is largly concentrated in our lower bodies, and when we put our knees and thighs into a move, we bring some of the largest muscles in the human body to bear. You’d be surprised what you can move with your legs.
When she got low on him, her right arm was around his waist, her shoulder roughly at or under his ass, her left arm wrapped around his left leg. Feet shoulder width apart for a nice stable base, big deep breath in, and lift just a bit while falling backwards. It doesn’t take much strength but it will really mess with the dude’s day. Landing on your head will at the very very least knock you silly for a minute.
Interestingly, we can use these same basic principles to ruin a guy’s day if he’s the one to grab us! Imagine, if you will, mugger dude runs up behind you and bear hugs you in preparation for dragging you into the alley. Scary, right? Yep.
If he lifts you too fast, and you find your feet off the ground, kick him in the shins, scrape your shoes down his legs, aim for the knees and his feet. Toss your head back and head butt him. Bite him. Squirm. Do what it takes to get your feet back on the ground.
Feet on the ground, grab his arms and hold on to them. Don’t let him get away, because this move, ladies, will put him down and out, and if he moves away he may go for a distance weapon, or start using his fists. Hold onto his arms and keep him in close.
Again, feet shoulder width apart. Use your booty and hips now, like you’re trying to hit his not-so-manly bits with your ass, get your hips back, bend your knees and flex your hips. If he’s shortish, you should at this point have picked him up and be balancing him on your back. If he’s tall, you’re now in position to put a crimp in his style in a big way.
Tuck your head to your chest and roll forward, just like you did when you were a kid. Flip yourself forward and let gravity do the rest. You will have your head tucked down, aiming to land on the upper back of one shoulder; he won’t. This means he’ll land on his face, with the full force of his own body weight behind it as well as any momentum you’ve built up. You may very well land on top of him too.
From here, get up, run like hell towards a light source while yelling “help, fire, call 911 (or whatever emergency services number exists in your country)”
Remember, ladies, with just a little understanding of comparative anatomy and physics, you too can put a man on the ground and seriously mess up his day. But then, that’s what he was planning to do to you, so fair’s fair.
Reblogging again because of Gryphyn’s awesome comment. C:
All women NEED to know this. REBLOG AND YOU CAN SAVE A LIFE
Double standard, illustrated.
There it is; truth for your consideration.
This, children, is how we used to connect to the internet.
this gif should be slowed down immensely for accuracy.
I can hear the sound as I watch this and it makes me want to scream.
my god yes
Some assholes have been putting nails in cheese and treats in dog parks in Chicago and Massachusetts. Also adding antifreeze to water bowls.
Please watch out for your dogs. And if you find out the address of someone doing this, give me the address and tell no one. I will disembowel them.
Antifreeze is fucking deadly as shit. Whilst my mom worked in the vets office the neighbor of a cat owner had become sick of his neighbors tom spraying by his house so he left antifreeze out for the cat. Animals are weirdly attracted to the smell and will drink it.
The cat was given to the vets and for 2 days it’s insides were slowly dissolved by the acids and it bled from his nose, mouth and even eyes.
On the second day, the vet not being able to help and refusing to let the cat suffer any longer put the cat down. The neighbor who did not deny his crimes didn’t even offer to pay the woman’s vet bill.
SO THE BIGGEST FUCKING SIGNAL BOOST TO THIS POST.
Fuck who ever is doing this. They can fucking burn.
my friend had a cat and it drank antifreeze that was puddled in the driveway and one day they were knitting and it just vomited up all of its internal organs and fell over dead on her lap.
The perpetrators of all of this will burn in Hell.
A neighbor of mine threw a ball of hamburger full of rat poison pellets over our fence for my son’s dog. He survived, barely, but has had nerve damage ever since.
Okay, listen up, if your pet drinks antifreeze, do you know what the cure is? Alcohol. That’s right. To save your furry little friend you have to get them drunk out of their faces. Antifreeze is an inhibitor and stops your enzymes from working, but luckily alcohol stops that from happening. I learned this from my A Level Biology lessons, but here’s a source anyway http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2617997.stm
Shit this is important SIGNAL BOOST THIS THANK YOU ALICE
I HAVENT STOPPED LAUGHING AT THIS
All is right in the world.
KNEEL BEFORE THE SOLAR VIKING
Oh shit he can dual-weild!
best fiends forever
Winter III ➾ Luke Gram